Binge and Confess

I’ve decided that I have a problem, so bad I would probably call it an addiction. (Not a new revelation, but still.) It’s not alcohol, and it’s only sometimes food. It’s shopping. I have a severe shopping problem. I can go for weeks without buying anything, and then sometimes, if left alone to my own devices, I go a little crazy. It’s like I can’t stop.

Case in point this past weekend where I was alone out shopping for a white dress for an all white party…but ended up with a lot more. I spent (and by spent, I mean charged) an obscene amount of money. I won’t disclose the full amount, but let’s just say from Saturday to Tuesday I bought 2 pairs of shoes, 3 dresses, 3 or 4 shirts, 2 sweaters, 3 Vera Bradley bags, a few presents for my mom, Aunt and Grandma, Chanel No. 5 perfume, cologne for my boy, and the worst of all, a David Yurman ring. I shopped at Nine West, Ann Taylor, White House Black Market, Cusp (very expensive boutique I love), another boutique, Sephora, and Bailey Banks & Biddle. And this isn’t the first time.

A binge is defined as: “a period of unrestrained, immoderate self-indulgence.” That is one way of looking at it. I am completely out of control, and I know it. I mean, my bills get paid each month, eventually – but at the same time it leaves me cash poor and broke, relying on credit cards to live. It has to stop. And, I keep trying…consolidating cards to 0% interest, paying off what I can when I get extra money. But, I know it’s not enough. I have car payments, computer (Dell) payments, Lasik payments, 3 credit cards, cell phone and rent/utilities, and a hefty loan payment (from other consolidation). It’s mind boggling. I need to go on the great American debt diet. I need to re-examine my priorities. I’m drowning in debt and I’m the only one who can stop it.

The thing with addictions are, that they become a hard habit to break. I literally have a positive physical reaction to shopping and being in a mall/store. I am happier, I feel elated when my arms are full of bags and I have new fun items I have been coveting. I like to look good, to feel good, and to have nice things. I have expensive tastes. I like it when my nails are manicured (french), I have pretty rings on my hands, and my clothes are well made and luxurious. Not only do I like to look good, but I like to smell good, wearing expensive perfume and high end makeup. My closet is ridiculous, and the amount of shoes and bags I have. I have trash bags full of clothes that I don’t wear anymore – some to donate, some just sitting. I have to transfer out clothes to fight for hanger space.

It’s shameful really, all of it. And, I know it. But I can’t stop. I cut up cards, I transfer balances, I pay off what I can – but it’s never enough. And then, I go buy more. And more. And I feel good about it. Until the bills come.

UPDATE: I got an automated phone call from my credit card company to verify some purchases, I’ve spent so much they thought it was stolen.